Communication and Healthy Environments

Everyone needs a great support system and healthy environment in life.  No matter what challenges you are facing today, it is so important to keep a good perspective and surround yourself with healthy individuals.There are also practical things that you can do to help those who are stressed out or anxious about something and need some compassion and understanding.

Recently, I have been dealing with a lot of stress that has triggered my anxiety and depression.  The key to getting better and feeling better for myself is communication.  I used to expect my husband and close family and friends to just know why I am depressed or manic or having an anxiety attack.  I thought they could basically read my mind! ha.  The biggest, healthy coping skill that I've had to learn to use is to actually ASK for help and COMMUNICATE it verbally to others. 

Men are obviously different than us women.  I have finally figured it out that my husband, Jonathan, actually wants me to spell things out for him in simple terms.  Before, I used to think that was a bit insulting to him, but he wants to know exactly what, why, when and where did my stess begin. 

I was feeling really irritated yesterday and I knew that my irritable state of mind was from trying to fight off the depression that I was feeling, from my Bipolar Disorder.  Somehow, I used to think it should be obvious for Jonathan to just know that I'm depressed because I live with Bipolar Disorder.  Duh! Right? Not so.  So, yesterday, when I was very irritable and short with him and the kids, he asked that one question that all men like to ask women...."What is wrong with you???"! ha.  Really?  Having learned from being the only female in our household, I have finally caught on (at least a little bit) to how guys think. What is obvious to me is not always obvious to my husband.  So, instead of being more annoyed by the question and the fact that Jonathan has already forgotten that I live with Bipolar Disorder, I explained in short sentences what was irritating me like this..." Joanthan, I know I am irritable and stressed out.  It is because I am fighting off depression and I realize it's a symptom from my depression.  I feel like I'm sinking and I'm angry about it because I can't control it. I am sorry it is effecting eveyone."  Jonathan's response, "Why are you depressed?"  Again....the desire to snap, "Because I live with Bipolar Disorder dummy!" is short lived in my mind and I've matured as a woman (sarcasm there-ha.), I decided to reply nicely and say, "My depression is frustrating to me because I have no idea why I am feeling depressed.  That's why I am so angry and frustrated and irritable."  Immediately, Jonathan got it and was very compassionate and did everything he could do to help fix the problem.  Jonathan helped me with dinner, with our boys and their homework, picking up around the house and stayed in a calm state of mind.  He was my anchor.  That meant the world to me and helped me decompress.

Today is a new day and I've re-charged my batteries and feel really good.  Jonathan had a key role in me being able to do that.

It is so important to communicate verbally how you feel exactly, no matter how trivial or simple it sounds, to a trusted friend or family member.  Even if you have no words to articulate it, think of how it makes you feel physically, maybe.  Like you are "sinking" or in wet cement that has dried and "you can't move".  Just trying to articulate your emotions and thoughts is better than saying nothing at all. 

If you have a loved one who is stressed out from a hard day at work someone in your life who lives with anxiety, depression, or any other kind of challenge, be patient. Don't even try to talk them out of their feelings because it isn't something you can snap out of.  Believe me, I've tried!  If they need to sleep, let them sleep and don't judge.  That is a survival skill for depression and an actual healthy coping skill for those who live with Bipolar Disorder.  Sleep is essential.

 Also, try to get that loved one to be in a calm state of mind and to verbally communicate with you by asking simple questions like, "When did you start feeling anxious or depressed?"  "Who did you see or talk to today?"  "Did you watch something on the news or TV that might have triggered something?"  Those are important questions in keeping a safe and healthy environment.  If they are not up to talking, then that is alright, too.  Give them time.

Other things you can do right away to help eleviate stress is to cook dinner for them or take food to them, watch their children for a couple of hours, turn on soothing music, fold their laundry, watch a sitcom or funny movie with them, or if they are up to it, go for a walk (not a fast paced walk, but slow, relaxing walk).  If they need to sleep, sometimes that's all it takes if they are sleep deprived. Or, just sit at the table with them, make them tea and watch the birds eat out of your bird feeder like I do!  That always brings my blood pressure down and puts a smile on my face.

These are just a few practical things that you can do to help your family and friends overcome everyday life stressors.



Anxiety & Triggers

If you suffer from Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar Disorder or any other kind of mental illness, don't feel guilty.  It's genetic and that's it.  Pure and simple.  It's hereditary. 

There are things that can trigger the onset of anxiety, depression, and mental illness in general.  Things such as your environment, thought patterns and life style to name a few.  If you suffer from one of these hurdles in life, most likely someone else in your family has also struggled, too.  It's hereditary and that gene could have been passed down to you from a parent, grand-parent or even great-grandparent. 

Since everyone is unique and deals with life differently, your journey will be different and yours alone.  It's not a death sentence, but more about self-discovery and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

On my own road to recovery, I've learned some valuable Coping Skills along the way.  In sharing them, I hope that they can benefit you as well.

Healthy boundaries is one of my Coping Skills.  After years of practice, I have finally been able to make healthy boundaries for myself without feeling guilty.  Boundaries from talking, seeing, texting, facebooking (is that a word?) or visiting certain people that need something from me or are just plain too toxic for me at the time.  Some of them mean no harm, others may unintentionally do harm without realizing it. It can be a friend, stranger, organization, job or family. If I'm not in a healthy place, I've realized I will be of no good to them either.  A single text can spiral me into a severe panic attack or anxiety attack.

I have also realized that tracking my daily activities on a chart every day helps me pinpoint my triggers.  Triggers that can cause anxiety and worry, depression or mania from my Bipolar Disorder or even trigger my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

My triggers can be anything from over stimulation from being around too many people for long periods of time or the opposite - not enough time around other people.  Most of all, it's the little things that can trigger me.  So, I keep track of who I've texted and received texts from, who I talk to on the phone or see in person, what I ate, how much i slept and if it was broken up sleep, what TV shows I watched or movies I watched, etc.  It sounds trivial, but it really does help.  When I'm suffering from severe anxiety, sounds and light bother me the most.  The hum of a light fixture, the light from the computer.  Little things can cause a lot of anxiety sometimes.

Another one of my triggers was responding, by texting, to a couple of individuals too much.  In my mind, I thought if I texted them back, it wasn't as toxic as seeing them or talking to them on the phone.  For me, it was just as toxic.  Now, I don't respond unless I am in a healthy place mentally, emotionally and it doesn't take away from my family or another important event at the time.  I felt soooooo guilty at first, but realized it was a must.  That alone took out A LOT of my anxiety.

Another anxiety for me is shopping with other women.  Since I'm still in recovery from being a "People Pleaser", I found it extremely difficult to be myself completely without worrying about if my friends (s) was enjoying their self at the mall. Ugh.  I know, it's crazy but it brought on real anxiety for me!

I could go on and on about how commercials or certain movies trigger me, but I think those are more obvious and I wanted to emphasize the importance of how little triggers can cause great damage.  I found out that when I was aware of the little triggers, the larger ones were not as often.

I'll share more on worry, anxiety and panic attacks later this week. 

I Hope that some of these coping skills help some of you with practical things that you can do for yourself to maybe alleviate some of the stress in your life. 

I'll be sharing more coping skills later this week.  Thanks for coming on this journey with me!