Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder

January 3, 2012

A Funny Story about Grace & Marriage

(Originally written December 2010)

I was attracted to everything about my husband when I first met him. The way he talked, his perfect white teeth, the laugh lines around his eyes when he smiled, his spiritual walk with God, and the fact that he also played the piano and sang was the icing on the cake because that was my passion, too! 

My husband to be and I agreed on everything. We had the same values, goals and dreams in life. Life was good and even greater now that we had found each other. I knew I was the perfect girlfriend for him, if I don’t say so myself. We started dating right away. I started cooking and baking for this new boyfriend of mine, we would sing and play the piano together, we had the same love and obsession for coffee, we both loved watching Seinfeld re-runs and Portland Trailblazer games together. We were perfect for each other. So, after 3 months of dating, we got engaged and within 6 months had a Christmas Wedding!

Well, they say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but my husband had no idea what was in store for him.  Our perfectness went to pettiness when I learned that Jonathan strongly disliked cats. I loved cats and they had always been therapy for me. Little did I realize that Jonathan had many allergies and it turned out that cats were on the top of that list. So, our first major fight was over a cat that I wanted to keep. Yep, a cat. I thought my husband could somehow be cured of his allergies and let me have my pet cat. Everything would be just fine I thought. I ended up giving up my cat.

I grew up with brothers and was somewhat of a tomboy and I absolutely loved playing and watching sports. My husband was quickly realizing that I was not domestic at all and had no desire to be. My pretend love for domestic things came to a crashing halt. My new husband soon found out that I’d rather watch a football game than make dinner. I didn’t sew, I didn’t like to bake, I loved blues and classical musical while he loved country music, and I loved to shop and be creative and be very social while he rather stay home and do a crossword puzzle. One day, after I had caught a loaf of bread on fire in the oven, my very calm husband said, “Honey, who are you exactly? Who did I marry?”. The truth was, was that I came into our marriage needing stability, unconditional love, security and I was so afraid that Jonathan wouldn’t love me if he saw the real me. As we saw our differences together, though, we continued to love each other more and embrace them. 

Jonathan and I actually realized that we were total opposites, but balanced each other out in a very good way. It’s funny to think back about those little things because they were a drop in the bucket when compared to a more serious problem that I brought into our marriage. A life altering illness.

That first year of marriage I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder. Another piece to the puzzle, really. Our marriage only got deeper and stronger through it all, though, with the help of God. God’s grace was poured on me every single day as I sought treatment through some wonderful doctors, therapy, and medications for Bipolar I Disorder. I was loved unconditionally by my husband and he showed me what grace was in the flesh. I never doubted God’s love and grace or that unwavering grace and love that my husband still shows me today.

After 15 beautiful, and not so beautiful, years of marriage due to my illness, my husband is my very best friend and the best husband ever. He is a true example of grace in action.

Whatever relationship you are in, remember grace. It’s so rare to show grace to others in today’s society, especially to our spouse. We can be nice to everyone else around us except our spouse. Grace is one of the most precious gifts you can give your loved one.

When was the last time you showed grace to your husband or wife? When have you practiced grace to a waitress who got your order wrong or the store clerk who was exasperatingly slow or to your child who was getting on your last nerve? Or that driver who has had his blinker on for the last 10 miles?

Everyone needs grace in their life. God was the perfect example of grace when he willing took on our burdens and died for us. As God continually lavishes love on us through the storms and through the joys of life, remember that all you have to do is receive that grace. He is always there with open arms waiting to love you unconditionally, even when you haven’t been loving Him back. When you don’t feel like practicing grace, do what I do…just say to God, “Help!” and He will give you that perfect grace to show others!