Sunday, April 1, 2012

I Love Hypomania

Taking care of myself is so hard to do sometimes.  I want to take care of everyone else first and when I do something for myself (even out of necessity) I feel guilty.  I have learned that it is what it is....a necessity.  It's alright to pamper myself or do what I need to do to take care of myself.  I can't be "me" if I am run down, stressed, tired, and can't think clearly.

I love to laugh and laughter is what keeps me going.  My kids are at that age where they are so quick witted that it catches me off guard sometimes!  I love it, though, and wouldn't have it any other way.  If I've taught them anything at all, it is the ability to laugh at themselves and at life.  They know when I need a burst of laughter at just the right moment!  We played a 3 hour game of Monopoly on our recent trip and I can't remember when I laughed so much!

Our family just got back from a nice family trip to Central Oregon and it was great to relax.  However, traveling sets off my mania a bit and luckily, it was mostly just Hypomania this time.  Hypomania is when you get all those feel good feelings and for a person who has Bipolar Disorder, it pretty much just makes you appear "normal"!  Actually, I don't know if that is true.  ha.  What is "normal" anyway, right?  For me, I find humor in everything and my hypomania makes me sillier, in a good mood and I'm not run down or tired.  I like feeling this way.  I love hypomania!  However, hypomania usually takes me over the edge to "mania".  Mania is like driving a car a hundred miles an hour on the freeway....then 110 mph...then 120...I try to slam on the brakes but they've gone out and I have people yelling at me, police chasing me, I'm panicked and don't know what to do and know that I'm going to crash and possibly die.  It's horrible.  That's the difference.  Hypomania is good.  Mania is bad. Ugh.  The other side of mania is depression (the "Crash").  Depression is like going 5 mph on the freeway and you can't go any faster no matter how hard you try.  The accelerator isn't working at all and people are honking at you, screaming at you, making terrible gestures towards you and you already feel bad enough.

Today and this week are good days.  I rely heavily on my faith in God and use every tool I have been blessed with to keep myself functioning to my very best.

If you are feeling run down, depressed, tired, irritable, or even hyper, in a good mood, or possibly manic, know that you will make it through to the next day. Keep your mind, ears, eyes and soul filled with positive words and images.  You are not alone...ever.